The New York (world) comedy scene has become red hot of late, with acts such as Michael Che, Brad Austin and Ryan Sorensen really lighting it up on all sorts of shows. But some comics are just plain rotten, and need to be told to stop doing comedy forever. Here is our list of the worst comics in New York city (the world).
Just wanted to give all of my tumblr followers a heads up that I’m gonna be dropping at Pope Tweet at 1:20 P.M. EST. Make sure to go to http://www.twitter.com/natefernald to check it out. Or follow me and watch it show up live in your feed!
And make sure to join/invite your friends on Facebook using the official event invite:
Here it is! We really did it. The world’s #1 Number Two podcast finally came out of our butts.
We are Adam Newman & Nate Fernald (aka Adam Poo-man & Nate Fart-nald). Our guest for episode #1 (every episode is really #2) is the hilari-ass Sean Donnelly (aka Sean Don-smelly). Listen to us shit-shat about pooping in public, pooping around our girlfriends/wives, and not talking about anything because we can’t stop laughing!
WhIff nothing smellse, at least listen to the first farty sec-ends to hear the fan-gas-tic theme song we recorded with the ins-anus-ly talented Jordan Winick.
And please follow this Bum-blr! ShIt’s our home base. We’ll post new episodes every two Twosdays, and sometimes link you to Break(wind)Thru Radio, where they’ll be hosting us once a month. And don’t shit your pants (or doo), we’ll be on iPoones e-stench-ually.
Please spread the turd about how much this podcast stinks!
MARK YOUR CALENDARS, FOLKS! On Wednesday, January 16 at 1:00 P.M. EST I am going to be LIVE TWEETING MY TWITTER FEED. #twitterfeedlivetweet Be sure to follow all the action at https://twitter.com/natefernald
The one non-diarrhea joke I’ve ever written has been nominated for Time Out New York’s Joke of the Year. Some other great comedians’ non-diarrhea jokes also got nominated. I guess 2012 wasn’t the best year for diarrhea jokes, but nonetheless, you should go vote for me or ANYONE because YOUR VOICE NEEDS TO BE HEARD! Four more years! Kony 2012! Save the middle class!
After the peak of Goosebumps’ popularity, R.L. Stine made a brief attempt at connecting with an older audience with a college-based series of horror stories called “Douchechills.” Stine only managed to write a few Douchechills books before his publisher pulled the plug on the project and urged him to write more books for the Goosebumps series. Below are the titles and descriptions of the now hard-to-find Douchechills series.
NIGHT OF THE LIVING SCARFACE POSTER
Skidmark and Traz are looking for some sick posters to decorate their new off-campus apartment. But by the time they arrive at Poster Town (after sleeping off a mega hangover), all of the good posters are gone. No Bob Marleys, no two-girls-kissing, no “no farting” posters. But then Traz notices a pretty sweet Scarface poster behind the counter. “That’s not for sale!” says Wendiglion, the mysterious shopkeeper, “But I think I may have some bikini babe posters in the back.” But the moment he steps out, Skidmark and Traz gank the Scarface poster. Later that night, after hanging it up, they notice something odd…Scarface is missing from the poster! And each night since, pledges keep disappearing too. Talk about a Scare-face!
THE SLUT WHO TURNED OUT TO BE A DUDE
The boys of Alpha Kappa Phi are having some real trouble getting their dicks wet. What with the chlamydia outbreak on campus, none of the usual girls seem to want to put out. That’s when Danielle shows up to their place. She’s sexy, she’s mysterious and she’s ready to get it on. One problem, though…it seems whenever a guy hooks up with her…he wakes up with a man in his bed. Is Danielle playing some sort of prank? Or is there more to this mysterious woman than meets the “guy”?
VOODOO ARMBAND TATTOO
Maybe it was the Mike’s Hard talking, but Big Ronnie needed to get a tattoo. And it had to be something sick. When he rolled up to the local tattoo parlour at 3:00 AM, he found that the doors were locked. “This is fucking gay!” he shouted. Just then, he noticed a new tattoo parlour across the street. He ran in and shouted “Give me the sickest armband tat you got!” The tattooist obliged, giving him a very sick armband tat. “That’ll be $200, sir,” said Wendiglion, the strange tattooist. But Big Ronnie already blew his wad on a blacklight poster of a lizard giving the middle finger earlier that night. “Sorry, bro. Not my problem.” Wendiglion just laughed. Big Ronnie left the tattoo parlour to go get hammered some more. But it seems now that whenever he chugged a sixer of Mike’s Hard…he didn’t even get a buzz. Could the strange symbols on the tattoo have something to do with this? It’s a tat-boo!
Other books in the Douchechills series include: The Flip Cup with a Ghost Inside of It, Totem Bong, The Monster Energy Drink That Actually Was a Monster and The Curse of the Big Lebowski DVD
Reveal to Matt Damon that I didn’t actually read the book we were discussing and that I just made up all that stuff off the top of my head
Have Matt Damon be very impressed with my “improv skills” (his words, not mine)
Say “Why thank you, Mr. Damon. I took a few classes when I was college, but most of that was just my natural instinct.”
Have Matt Damon say “Please, Nate. Call me Matt - not Mr. Damon.” (you got it, Matt!)
After a few more times hanging out, have Matt Damon realize that there’s more to me than just being some fanboy who wanted to meet him before dying, and then casually mention that he’s actually looking for a new roommate
MOVE IN WITH MATT DAMON (!!!!)
Find out that living with Matt Damon isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and that he’s actually pretty disrespectful as a roommate (constant parties, never washes dishes and will only let me watch the TV if I’m watching a movie he was in - seriously, how weird is that???)
Finally confront Matt Damon about his wild parties and let him know that I’m not an actor like him and I actually have to wake up every morning and go do real work in order to pay my rent
Get in a shouting match with Matt Damon about what “real work” is and have him try and justify that he works just as hard at his career as I do mine
Tell him it didn’t look like he was working very hard in Jersey Girl
Get murdered by Matt Damon
Get resurrected by Matt Damon
Die on the dance floor
Feel free to print this list and use it for yourself. First one to accomplish everything on it gets an Amazon gift card!
I decided to take this fun survey I found on Facebook, and you should all do it too! Here’s how it works: Put your iPod on shuffle, and the name of the first song is the answer to the first question. Then hit skip, and the second song is the answer to the second question and so on and so forth until you’ve answered all ten questions. Ready? Let’s go!
DISCLAIMER: I do not have an iPod. But I DO have a discman, and it does have a shuffle option, so I can still play.
Okay, now ready? Let’s go!
DISCLAIMER: The only CD I own is the CD single for Lou Bega’s “Mambo #5.” But there are a couple of remixes on it, so I can still shuffle.
Okay, ready now? Let’s go!
My Name Is: Mambo #5
LOL, yeah I wish! I also wish that my name was one of the ones in the song. A little unfair, ya know? Just cuz I’m a boy :\ Still love the song, though.
I Love: Mambo #5 “Too Much Mambo” House Remix
LOL. Guilty! Love this song.
I Hate: Mambo #5
UMMM, OKAY, THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. LOL. This is turning out to be really funny. Seriously - love this song.
My Favorite Food Is: Mambo #5 Havanna Club Mix
LOL. Talk about ear candy! LOL. Such a good song.
I Was Born: Mambo #5 (Radio Edit)
Actually, I was born premature. And the radio edit of Mambo #5 is about 40 seconds shorter, so it ends premature. Kinda creepy! Still love this song, though.
My Pet’s Name Is: Mambo #5 (DJ Finger’s “Just the Trumpet” Mix)
Close! My cat’s name name is Mambo. Actually, all of my cats’ names are Mambo, so technically one of them is Mambo #5. Even closer! PS, love this mix.
My Biggest Fear Is: Mambo #5
LOL. Pretty much the opposite of my biggest fear. Here is my biggest fear: “Somebody just went back in time and murdered Lou Bega before he recorded Mambo #5! Also, everybody are ants.”
My Pet Peeve Is: Mambo #5 ”Murda Da Mumbo” Dub Mix
Actually, this one is true. This remix is like nine minutes long and just samples him saying “Tina” over and over again. Doesn’t even say Mambo! Like, WTF? Mambo number ZERO. Right? But I’d still take it over no Mambo at all (see previously question).
Your Most Embarrassing Memory: Mambo #5 (Radio Edit)
Nope. Weird quiz! Love this song.
My Dying Words Will Be: Mambo #5
So perfect. I would love nothing more than to go out in a hail of gunfire while screaming “It’s Mambo Number 5!” at the top of my lungs. If I ever find out I have 24 hours left to live, definitely putting on my discman and taking a church hostage. Such a good song.